Becoming alcoholfree: conquering the skeletons in the closet.

Last night I cleaned out a wardrobe in the spare room. It was wild, windy, dark and wintery outside. So why was I bothering? Because I wasn’t drinking. Seriously! I have time on my hands, it’s amazing! Back in the old days, I’d come home and have a wine after work because ‘I deserved it/it was a stressful day/it was Thursday (insert any excuse here). My productivity was at an all time low.

But not anymore, things are on the up and up.

Anyway, this wardrobe was musty, dusty and hadn’t been cleaned out in years. I hadn’t even really gone there since I stopped drinking on 1st January 2017. But as I opened the doors and stared pawing through its contents, something massive and unexpected dawned on me.

This wardrobe is the old me. Yes. The clothes, shoes, handbags that I hadn’t given a thought to all year. And to be honest, it was creepy. It was like I was reliving the old, drunken me.

Every time I picked up a jacket or pair of heels, each item gave me flashbacks to different times in my life. And guess what. All the flashbacks were to events related with drinking. For example, one coat took me back to a pub we frequented, far too late and far too often in town. One pair of heels reminded me of a party in town back in my twenties.

Now don’t get me wrong, having fun and socialising with friends and loved ones is fine. What not fine and what made me cringe about these items is that there was a dark and almost dangerous side to the old me. It was how I drunk and why I drunk that, on reflection, scares me. I’m sure if I hadn’t stopped drinking I would have continued into a deeper, darker spiral like an out of control train, racing down a hill and gathering momentum without brakes. Phew, am I glad I caught it early.

While these clothes and other personal effects are still in good condition, I just can’t  bear the thought of wearing them again. The associations I have with them are negative, dark and not who I am anymore.

Suffice to say I have a huge bag of stuff that I’ll take to the opportunity shop tomorrow. It feels really good to get these skeletons out of the closet and pass them onto someone who am perhaps give them a second, reinvigorated life.

Once I’d finished with the wardrobe, I felt invigorated and a sense of relief. I don’t want that stuff in my house anymore. It’s toxic and creepy. 

Just another step in the journey of the new me. Thank you for reading. 🙏🏼💙🌏

Ps I took the following pics last night on my walk home. The city was looking beautiful. Much nicer than drinking inside a crowded, noisy pub.

20 thoughts on “Becoming alcoholfree: conquering the skeletons in the closet.

  1. Amen to new starts, my friend. And to finding plenty more time. The problem with “It’s five-o’clock–HAPPY HOUR” is that it is the countdown to passing out. I love the fact that I can do whatever I need to do from sunrise to bedtime. It is hard, sometimes, to fall asleep though. Even after a year and a half sober. But I’m trying to exercise more and make a routine of getting up early and going to bed by at least 10PM. Your pictures are beautiful–what a gorgeous city you live in!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good morning Susan,
      I’ve been reading your work for a while now but hadn’t fully appreciated that you’re 1.5 years alcoholfree! That’s wonderful, I hope to make that milestone one day.
      I laughed at your point about the countdown to passing out, argh what WERE we thinking!
      I love the sound of your new routine. Always interesting, making small tweaks and seeing what works best.
      Thank you so much for stopping by. Take care talk soon ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love decluttering, it always feels so good to clear stuff out – like relieving some sort of ‘life-constipation’. I also have 2 bags ready to go to charity at the moment but there’s a ton more to do. I can see how it would be strange to see a definite division between the old and new you in the wardrobe department. I always drank in very casual environments or at home so the clothing didn’t change like that. Wishing you many more productive and happy evenings to come. Hugs x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I understand getting rid of the old clothes completely. I’ve never been a racy dresser, but my personal style drinking was definitely more attention-getting while drinking. (I am remembering a blouse made out of what looking like red tin foil.) It’s nice to feel more ‘together’ than in the old days. You’ve inspired me to go through ye ole’ closet again. ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hello my friend, oh your message made me laugh!!! One thing I didn’t say in this blog that you have completely nailed is that the ‘old me’ clothes were a bit on the slutty side! I wouldn’t go there now😆
      I’m so excited and delighted to have inspired you to clean the skeletons out of your closet. I wonder if your red tin foil top is still lurking in there?
      All the best, let me know how it goes xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      • The red tin foil shirt is gone, but there are still a few shirts that are a little low cut or made of spandex. I never wear them. When it comes to fashion, comfort is now my default setting. Pajamas, orthopedic shoes, socks with sandals. (Just kidding, kind of.) I do need to step it up a notch. There must be an in-between. I need some kind of fashion consultant. It’s like I’ve lost all sense of balance. It’s dowdy or slutty, with no in-between. (LOL!)
        I think you just gave me a great blog idea.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I can’t believe my drinking wardrobe compared to now. Three and a half stones almost gone and 4 dress sizes. I was very happy to cleanse my wardrobe of most of it. What staggers me most is how much more Pride in my appearance I take these days xx

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Oh, this is so heartening. I’m sure we’ve all got stuff in our homes that should stay firmly in the past. I’m so hugely proud of you, not only for the obvious, but for your ability to self analyse – from one who is also an obsessive self analyst. X

    Liked by 2 people

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