Yesterday marked 17 months since I stopped drinking on New Years Day last year. It’s Queens Birthday weekend (not her real birthday) which means that in New Zealand, Monday is a stat. A stat is Kiwi slang for statutory holiday… if you’re in the UK, I think you call it a bank holiday and if you’re in the States, I think you refer to it as a vacation? Apologies if this is incorrect, please let me know.
Side note: why do we celebrate the Queens Birthday in NZ? Possibly a historical thing but I genuinely don’t know. We aren’t ruled by the Queen. We have our own funky, intelligent and uber cool Prime Minister, Jacinda Arden, AND she was in Vogue magazine!! Check it out here!
I think that we should do away with the Queens Birthday Weekend here in NZ and replace it with Jacinda’s Birthday Weekend. Much more contemporary!
Anyway, I digress. Thanks to the UK’s Queen of England, we have a ‘stat’ on Monday. As much as I enjoy a staycation, I am writing to you from a small coastal town in the Coromandel. This is one of my favorite places on planet earth. As a kid, I came here a lot and still have family here. So in addition to the incredible nature, peace and quiet, I consider this place my home away from home.
When I made plans, my partner asked why I’d want to come up here in winter. It’s magic in summer but won’t I be bored, he asked?
Not. At. All.
His idea of a great weekend is in the man cave with his mates. So it’s a win win weekend – I hope he remembers to feed the cat! Time together is important but so is time apart. He’s my rock ❤️
Loneliness: a dark, distorted, drinkers’ perspective.
As a drinker, my perspectives on loneliness were pretty messed up. I thought that:
- Loneliness is being by yourself
- Loneliness is solved by being around people
- Loneliness is solved by drinking
- Loneliness is for other people, not me
- Getting dunk with friends meant that I was fun, social and not lonely.
The reality was, I was surrounded by a tonne of people but I was the loneliest I’ve ever been. Alcohol plays havoc with our perspectives, don’t let it control yours.
Being comfortablein our own company.
Since I quit drinking, it’s taken a lot of guts, grit and online research to reset my brain’s perspective on loneliness. I wrote about a few times so won’t regurgitate what is already covered in the posts below.
- Early sobriety: the power of solo retreats
- Alcoholfree living: taking time out for yourself is OK
- Overcoming loneliness in early sobriety
If loneliness is something you’re working through right now, stick at it. You will get there even though there will be times when you experience massive FOMO, the Fear Of Missing Out. But eventually, that will go away – hang in there.
Setting boundaries: being comfortable with saying NO.
Learning to set clear, fair boundaries has been a key part in getting comfortable with my own company. But I’ll come back to you later in the weekend with a post dedicated to boundaries. A juicy, tricky subject!!
Happy birthday Queen 👑🎁🎂
So what am I up to this weekend, you might be wondering? AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE!!! That said, I will visit my cousins at some point. But I am equally happy to be writing to you this morning (Saturday 2 June 2018, second day of winter, 14*C, light rain). You’re right to guess that yoga, meditation and nature walks are on the cards.
I love the peace and quiet. No traffic, no horns, no artificial city lights. Just the rain on the roof and birds happily chirping as they dig for worms in the lawn. The tide is in. A lady just walked past with two greyhounds in raincoats.
This is being comfortable in my own company.
Virtual alcoholfree hugs,
PS I took this photo here last year. Am yet to venture outdoors this weekend but I look forward to sharing some of the sights on Twitter @nowineimfine